BELLA'S MEMOIRS (ENTRY #34)

ENCHANTING DILEMMA!

The news of Ese’s pregnancy still felt like a dream and I was waiting to discover if it was some sort of mistake even though deep in my heart I knew it wasn’t. What had happened was obvious; Ese had taken in during the brief time she had spent with Okechukwu in the course of our separation and intentionally stayed away until she was far gone. She then resurfaced to cause trouble.

According to her, she had found out few weeks after Okechukwu had asked her to leave his house while strictly adding that she stay away from him. When she summoned up the courage to tell him, she’d come looking for him and had been told he was out of the country…this was true as he had been away for a while during the Yinka saga; she did not want to share the news via email and had to wait for his return but of course his return had led to his arrest. This,as a result also left her unable to tell him of her pregnancy until she heard he was back home upon which she had come immediately. Her story was believable because with all that had been happening, there was no way she could have let Okechukwu know. Telling his family had seemed the only option but according to her, she did not want to add to the mayhem going on at the time – of course she had heard all that was happening over the news and from the grapevine.

According to her, her parents had thrown her out of the house for once again bringing disgrace to the family on account of her continued liaisons with Okechukwu. First of all, he had caused her to be expelled from the first university she had been attending and now that she was finally back on track after recently concluding her degree at a private university, she had gotten pregnant for him outside wedlock.

She had nowhere to go and had come to Okechukwu for assistance. It had not been a pretty scene but eventually Okechukwu had allowed her to spend the night and I had left his house angrily. He tried to make me see reason that he couldn’t throw the mother of his child out in the streets but I felt like he had chosen her over me with the way he kept referring to her as the mother of his child which broke my heart into a million pieces. However I knew that until the child was born and maybe a paternity test was done, she was indeed the mother of his child.

Three days had gone by and Okechukwu had not tried to contact me even once. His sister-in-law Aunt Linda had come to inform me that the very next day after Ese’s reappearance, Okechukwu had run to her for advice and she had asked him to bring Ese to stay at her house instead while he tried to gather his thoughts and work things out with me. This made me a little better knowing that he and Ese were not shacking up together but then the thought of Ese just down the corner from my parents’ house heavy with Okechukwu’s child was too much for me to bear. I just wanted to go away somewhere for a while.

For a while, my stepmom had been trying to initiate a conversation about the shocking news but I had been telling her I wasn’t ready to talk about it, this was until I started feeling like I was losing my mind and I needed to talk to someone therefore I made the first move and she was very willing to listen.

Me: The fact that I am not going to be the mother of his first child is too much for me to bear. I mean after all we’ve been through to end up together, I find out that I have to share him with someone else for the rest of my life. This is a child for goodness sake!

Ms. A: So what would you have him do? Deny responsibility and ask Ese to raise the child on her own? Is that the kind of man you want Bella?

Me: I know he won’t do that and I don’t expect him to. It’s just that I am really hurt that he would be so reckless with Ese to the point of getting her pregnant. What if she intentionally did this to tie him down? What if her plan is to cajole Okechukwu into choosing her over me once and for all?

Ms. A: Bella, I know things have not always been rosy for Okechukwu and you but, if there is any doubt in your mind that he loves you and would do anything for you then you have to address that because he has proven how much he wants to be with you. Things don’t always turn out the way we planned and that’s life. I mean, I thought I had TK’s first and only child at the time only for you to surface and because I loved him, I had to make a choice to accept that you are a part of him; that loving him means loving you too. I am not saying it’s easy and trust me I understand how you feel especially because you were already in love with him when this happened but if you love this man, then allow him to figure out what he wants. If he wants to be with you, he has to convince you that he will be able to manage this whole situation for the rest of your lives. If he chooses Ese and her baby then you need to accept that and move on. Then again the real question here is what do you want?

Me: I want to be happy.

Ms. A: Can you be happy with Ese and her baby always being in the picture for the rest of your lives?

She had asked the most important question in the entire situation and I gave her an honest response.

Me: I can’t.

Was this the end of Bella and Okechukwu?

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A few days later, my dad asked me to come to his study as he wanted to have a word with me. I knew it was about Okechukwu and I. It was an awkward conversation to have with my dad but I didn’t have much of a choice. To my surprise when I got to his study he was already there with Okechukwu.

Me: What’s going on here?

My Daddy: Bella please have a seat.

I looked at Okechukwu, he was looking away as though he was too ashamed to look me in the face. I wanted to be mad at him but I couldn’t. He had been through so much already and in my anger I had not for once considered that he had just come out of detention with no source of livelihood only to discover he was a few months away from becoming a father. It was just way too much for only one person to bear. He needed a friend and someone to talk to but knowing Okechukwu, his pride would not allow him admit he needed help.I obeyed my dad and took a seat next to Okechukwu.

My Daddy: We haven’t discussed this yet Bella but three days ago, Okechukwu called to inform me that one of his love interests during your separation wound up pregnant. I asked him why he was informing me of this development and he told me it was because he knew it was possible this mistake could cost him your love and he wanted my help in reaching out to you because he was confused about how to approach the issue. It sounded ridiculous to me at the time and of course I told him to stay away from you and that I never wanted to see him near you again.

The next day, I went to my office and found him there waiting. I eventually granted him audience when he refused to leave for almost eight hours and I was able to put certain things in perspective. Bella you are my first daughter and I am confident that nobody on this earth can ever love you as much as I love you. I will do anything for you even though I may not have had a chance to prove the lengths that I would go to for your safety and protection but this young man has. Truth be told, I see a lot of myself in him and whilst I would never claim to be a saint considering a lot of my mistakes have been made public recently, I think I can tell the difference between someone who deliberately did wrong and someone who made an honest mistake.

Bella I am not defending Okechukwu but it was an honest mistake and the reason why I would like you to grant him audience is because I keep imagining what I would have done or what my life would be like right now if my wife had walked out on me when she found out about you. I kept you from her for so long because I knew if she asked me to choose it would be the most difficult thing I would ever have to do. I am eternally grateful to her that she was there for me when I needed her the most and she never put me in the position to have to make that choice. That’s what love is…sometimes you have to accept your partner and their past decisions. It may not be fair for him to spring a child on you when you have just been through so much because of him but it wasn’t fair for you to also spring your family and all our drama on him as well. So my dears…welcome to an adult relationship full of compromise. You have some decisions to make and I hope you will both choose what makes you happy in the long run. I’ll leave you two to work out your issues.

With that my father left his study and shut the door firmly behind him. Okechukwu and I remained silent for a few minutes and then he broke the ice.

Okechukwu: Bella, I don’t expect you to just accept this situation because it is quite difficult so I would understand if you would rather move on but I want you to consider…

He had started off on the wrong note so I had to cut him off.

Me: There you go again! Always acting like you are indifferent about whether I go or I stay! If you want me to stay with you then ask me to stay with you. Show me you want me and stop acting like you are indifferent about whether I go or stay!

Okechukwu: You don’t understand. I keep proving that I am not good enough for you and I don’t want you to short-change yourself being with me.

Me: I am an adult and I know what is good enough for me. You are always looking for a way to sabotage this relationship. First of all, you say we should not talk about marriage yet, then we find out you have a baby on the way and now you are telling me you would understand if I want to go. I need you to show me that I am not making a mistake for choosing to remain with you no matter what.

Okechukwu: That is the problem Bella. You keep wanting me to promise you a fairytale, happily ever after and I cannot do that. See what our relationship has been like so who knows what marriage holds. I need to know that I am not going to be a disappointment to you before I can actually commit to what you want and so far that’s not happening.

Me: Why would you think you are a disappointment to me? You don’t understand my point do you?

Okechukwu: You don’t understand mine either!

It was a painful truth and the die was cast.

Me: If we cannot meet each other halfway then there’s no point. I think you should focus on getting your life on track. Going back to school, the baby, your business and all that. I don’t want to be a distraction with all you are going through.

Okechukwu: Are you breaking up with me Bella?

Me: We can’t keep doing this Okechukwu. Since we met I have focused all my energy on trying to make sure we end up together. I am done, right now I am focusing on me and you need to focus on the things are important to you too.

Okechukwu: Is this a subtle way of asking me to choose between you and my unborn child?

Me: I would never ask you to do that! What if my stepmom had made my father choose her over me? What I am simply saying is that in all the other times we have had this conversation, I had left the ball in your court but this time it is my turn to choose and I choose me.

I wasn’t sure what the situation with Okechukwu and I was but I was determined not to obsess over it as I had been doing for months. I was spending more time out of the house and catching up with old friends especially Vanessa. I realized how distant I had been from the outside world, too afraid to let anyone in because I was scared they would find out things they weren’t supposed to know but now it was all over and I could breathe again.

No more secrets, no more lies, no more pretense…I could just be Bella again and it felt good. It was only recently I had told my closest female friend Vanessa all that had been happening and she had forgiven me for being so distant and cold for the last couple of months.

Vanessa: Bella, I think you should talk to Okechukwu. You guys need closure or you’ll both never truly move on.

Me: I appreciate what you are trying to do but if he wanted closure he would have tried to contact me or at least win me back but it’s been over a week and nothing from him, he has probably moved on already.

Vanessa: Ok. Since you choose to be stubborn about Okechukwu at least do me the favour of following me to a little get together this evening.

Me: Vanessa, I am not in the mood to party besides my dad’s swearing in is happening pretty soon and I promised my stepmom I’d go over some details of the planning with her today.

Vanessa: I’ll have you back in good time I promise.

She convinced me to come and meet her later that evening and then went home. I reluctantly got ready for my outing with Vanessa.

When I arrived at the hotel where the event was to be holding, I noticed it seemed a bit quiet and I wasn’t sure if it was the right venue. I called Vanessa who said she was running late but I should ask the front desk for directions to the private party. The concierge at the front desk instantly sprung to his feet and followed me to the elevator, we went up to the topmost floor and he pulled out a white envelope from his breast pocket.

Concierge: I was asked to give you this.

He walked back into the elevator and left me there in the hallway. I opened the envelope he handed over to me and in it was a handwritten note. I couldn’t mistake the writing…it was Okechukwu’s. The note read:

“Follow the roses.”

That was when I noticed for the first time that the hallway was lined with red rose petals. I followed the petals and it led to an open rooftop that was elegantly decorated with red roses and candles everywhere.

There was a man in a suit with a saxophone and immediately he spotted me he started playing Michael Bolton’s “When a man loves a woman.” My eyes started tearing up and I looked around frantically for Okechukwu. I saw a tall dark man walking towards me from the shadows and my heart skipped a beat, I thought it was him but unfortunately it turned out to be a waiter. He ushered me to a table that had been prepared and pulled out a seat for me. I sat down and he poured me a glass of champagne. He handed me another envelope, I opened it with unsteady hands and it was another handwritten note, this time it read:

“Eat your dinner.”

How could I eat when I was going crazy with anticipation of his arrival? I decided to calm down and obey. I opened the dish in front of me and inside was the familiar blue ring box that had the ring Okechukwu had tried to propose with a few months earlier. I was so excited, I opened the box and there was no ring instead there was a tiny piece of paper. It was another note and this time it read,

“Look behind you.”

I instantly turned around as instructed and there he was behind me on one knee with the beautiful ring in his hand.I got up and went over to him, tears were running down my face. He cleared his throat before he spoke:

Okechukwu: I know it’s going to be a crazy ride with me. I know there would be a lot of uncertainties and so many things could go wrong but I also know that I promise to love you like I have never loved anyone else. I know I have someone on the way who would also hold a dear place in my heart but I promise as long as I live you will always come first in my heart and I would love and care for our children with all that I have to give. I know I have always criticized you for wanting a fairy-tale ending and I am a fool for ever doing that. Bella you are a queen and you deserve your own fairy-tale and I am on one knee begging to be your happily ever after. I will never deserve you but that is why you are a blessing because I don’t deserve you. I want eternity with you but let’s start with forever”.

I was sobbing so much I couldn’t speak so I smiled through the tears.

Okechukwu: Bella I don’t understand is your smile a yes?

Trust Okechukwu to ruin a perfectly romantic moment with his words.

Me: You haven’t asked me anything!

Okechukwu: Oh shoot. This thing is not going the way I rehearsed it.

He cleared his throat and then asked: Bella will you marry me?