IMITATION (EPISODE 2)

(KELVIN and his BEST FRIEND in a CLUB)

JOHNSON: Forget that thing, what else do you need in a woman if not sex? huh? is it LOVE? We both know that doesnt last, just like you and Adaobi.

KELVIN: What i felt for Adaobi was actuallty true, i do have feelings for her, i still have feelings for her, and its actually my fault we arent together anymore.

JOHNSON: How is it your fault? Sometimes i ask myself, why cant women just come to that conclusion that men are naturally cheaters, we cant remain faithful foerver, faithfulness and loyalty is always temporal, its bound to break sooner or later.

KELVIN: And what was the answer you gave yourself to that question?

JOHNSON: Well, its probably because they are selfish and greedy, they cant share their man with another, and they cant give him everything either.

KELVIN: ...or because they are highly emotional and sensitive, too Jealous and easily heart-broken.

JOHNSON: Kelvin, are you with me or against me?

KELVIN: I cant really say. Adaobi actually gave me everything, and when i say everything, i mean everything, never had she denied me sex or anything, and it makes me feel so guilty when she was weeping in front of me, because i had no excuse. She was like, "Kelvin, i gave you everything, what didnt i do just to make you happy"

JOHNSON: Hey, its natural, hearts are meant to be broken once in a while. Look at you now, arent you having FUN?

KELVIN: Nah, not really, i just get carried away in a moment, and when its all over, i'm back to being sobber, thinling about Adaobi, we have a lot in common you know, we are ...

JOHNSON: (Cuts in) ...are we here to get laid and drunk or to discuss about your broken relationship?


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(After football training in the morning that weekend, David is among the school's football team, while DANIEL belongs to practically no society in the school. He likes to be alone, always reading and doing things alone. David is the only friend he has. They met in a... i cant really explain, a weird way. Daniel would always come to the field with DAVID to watch him train.)

DAVID: That coach isnt human.

DANIEL: Why do you say so?

DAVID: Asking you to do stretches he cant do in the next 5 years, what does he think we are? Super-men?

DANIEL: #LAUGHS# Those impossible stretches are what build you up. Just look at you, stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself, trust me, you'll fall in love with you, the chiselled jaw, gold six packs, perfect height, cool h...

DAVID: (Cuts in) Wait Wait Wait, are you sure you're not in love with me already? This one you're sounding like a gay already, hope you're not Bi-sexual.

DANIEL: #Laughs# You no well.

DAVID: I well O. Check the little pocket inside my training bag, you should find a letter, thats the letter i promised i you.

DANIEL: (Opens his bag and brought out the letter) Am i allowed to read it?

DAVID: Of course.


A FEW SECONDS LATER...


...... ...... ......from your secret admirer.

DANIEL: That all?

DAVID: Yup. What do you mean by "Thats All"?

DANIEL: C'mon, its not even up to 2 pages, and this isnt convincing enough. From your secret admirer, are you kidding me?

DAVID: Thats obviously the reason you can never get any girl in your life, ladies want the exact opposite of what we think they crave for. You write her a letter of 2 pages, what makes you think she has the time to read it all? What is it? A composition. It'll probably end in I LOVE YOU, so why the long story? why not just go straight to the point.

DANIEL: I think that name totally suits you. The love doctor. Maybe ill start calling you that as well.

DAVID: Just give her this letter on monday after your maths class, or betterstill, tip someone off to deliver it to her.

DANIEL: Good idea. Tip someone off, and add a rose to the package, just to make it look romantic.

DAVID: I never said that.

DANIEL: Yea,, you didnt. I'm trying to fulfill my part of the bargain. Adding a rose to the letter gives you more chances of winning her heart.

DAVID: How?

DANIEL: When the kid delivers the letter to her, you'll see her blush, smile and look around in curiousity hoping to sight the one that sent the letter.

DAVID: #LAUGHS# This isnt bollywood, hollywood or even nollywood, this is reality bro. Dont let the movies confuse you, nothing is ever real in there when it comes to relationships.

DANIEL: I doubt that. Wanna place a bet?

DAVID: HEll Yea. #5,000.

DANIEL: #5,000?

DAVID: Yup.

DANIEL: That much?

DAVID: Are you scared?

DANIEL: Of course not. I guess we have ourselves a bet. Just make sure my money is ready to cash and carry by monday.

DAVID: I should be saying that.


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JULIET: It depends sha, but i strongly believe that there is no guy out there who would date you for more than a year without trying to take you to his bed.

CHARITY: And if you refuse?

ADAOBI: Then, he'll let you for. It isnt really dumping if he hasnt used you, but when you give in to his requests, then you can say he dumped you.

JULIET: So what we do is, date a guy, go out on dates, let him spend the little he wants to invest in us, then let him go when he starts asking for sex.

CHARITY: And what if he sticks around even when you deny him sex? What if he doesnt leave? What if he doesnt change his reactions towards you even though you refuse?

ADAOBI: Well... Juliet, talk na...

JULIET: It means your relationship would last a bit longer with him, it doesnt mean he is the right one, or that he is different from the rest, because all of them are the same.

CHARITY: Hmmm...

ADAOBI: I think the best way to keep a man forever is to get him to marry you. Thats just it. So try to avoid sex until you are sure he's stuck with you for the rest of his life.

JULIET: Thats just it.

CHARITY: So why did you break up with KELVIN?

ADAOBI: He cheated on me.

CHARITY: Is that enough reason?

ADAOBI: What are you implying?

CHARITY: You girls concluded men are cheats, right? you believe they all cheat, you believe its in their nature to cheat, so how sure are you he doeent love you just because he cheated on you?

JULIET: Are you even human? What do you exp...

ADAOBI: (CUTS IN) ....shhhh... Juliet, calm down. ill answer her questions. I didnt break up with him soley because he cheated on me.

CHARITY: Then why?

ADAOBI: I broke up with him because he didnt deem it fit to apologize for what he did. I would have accepted him back if he had admitted his wrongs, i would have pardoned him if he came out clean, but he didnt even make a move, he didnt run after me, he just stood where he was till i left. And it gave me this strong belief that he continued f**king her when i left.

CHARITY: How sure were you?

ADAOBI: He didnt leave the room until 10minutes later, i stood a few rooms away hoping he would come pleading, thats just what i wanted, for him to show i actually meant something to him, but he...

CHARITY: I'M SORRY.

ADAOBI: Its OK.

JULIET: Law would totally suit you.

CHARITY: Really? i knew it! Thats my dream course.

ADAOBI: Now, enough talking about me, lets talk about you. Why did you choose this school? Among the multiple schools in LAGOS.

CHARITY: My elder brother, David, he told me its a good school, he was admitted last year, so my dad was like, "CHARITY, GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL WITH YOUR BROTHER SO WE WOULD BE AT PEQCE KNOWING YOU GUYS ARE BOTH IN ONE PLACE INCASE SOMETHING BAD SHOULD HAPPEN".

ADAOBI: Are you serious? #laughs#

CHARITY: The mentality of parents seem to be sort of different. If they hadnt said that, ill probably be abroad by now.

JULIET: This your brother, David, is he handsome?

CHARITY: David? you'll trip at first sight.

ADAOBI: Abeg O! Is he Justin Beiber 2 or C. Ronaldo. Who should be tripping in between me and him?

JULIET: Is he single?

ADAOBI: Haba! Juliet! You wan sleep with am ni?

JULIET: (Draws Ada Closer and wispers into her ear) Didnt you hear her? She would be abroad if not for him, so her parents are probably rich, which means her brother would have a lot to spend na.

ADAOBI: Hmmm

JULIET: Dont mind Ada jare. So is he single?

CHARITY: I cant say. Why dont you ask him yourself? He'll be here today to check on me, before 2pm, and its almost 2pm.

ADAOBI: He knows our hostel?

CHARITY: Nope. My location is on, he would track me down using googlemaps.

JULIET: I'm so so loving you already.

(#Khor Khor Khor# A knock was heard on the door)


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MAMA DANIEL: Thats just it my dear. Love in itself is a sin, there is only one love, and thats the love of God towards us and the kind of love he said we should have for our brothers and neighbours. Emotional love is a sin. Since christ said you dont need to sleep with a woman to commit fornication, just the mere thought of having sex with her makes you a fornicator already...

DANIEL: (To himself) Na True David talk sha, if i tell this woman about my feelings for this girl, she fit even withdraw me from that school, this one wey i never even talk before start to dey preach for me, i wonder wetin go happen if i tell her.

MAMA DANIEL: Daniel, are you with me?

DANIEL: Yes mum.

MAMA DANIEL: Good. As i was saying, women would only destory your future, format your career and render you useless. Once a woman comes into your life, your heart rate would always be high, because you would never be at rest, you can never concentrate, while fighting to feed yourself, you'll also be struggling to feed her...

DANIEL: Uhm, mum, how did you meet dad?

MAMA DANIEL: In a church seminar organised by our church in ABUJA, i was among the choir while he was an invited minister, all through the seminar, i couldnt take my eyes off him, and i noticed he felt the same way about me. In my heart, i kept praying to God to touch him and annoint him as my desired husband, and God did just that, while we...

DANIEL: (To himself) Now i get it, Yoruba mums cant keep your secret, once you fight or quarrel with them, be ready to contain whatever comes out of her mouth, while Igbo mums cant do without talking, one question can give you a million answers...

MAMA DANIEL: (Still Talking) ...so you named you Daniel on the hospital bed because the name of that seminar we met was all about DANIEL IN THE LIONS DEN.

DANIEL: Wow! Thats the most *coughs* reason i've ever seen as to how parents name their babies...

MAMA DANIEL: Miraculus, right?

DANIEL: Yea. Its a Testimony.

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