MY LOVE STORY. (1ST HEARTBREAK)

We all have our different stories, our different reasons why we become this guy or that girl, the reason we become harsh or unappreciative, the reason we cant assist even if we can. This is actually my love story, my first heartbreak, i wrote it in 2012, but didnt publish it. Just maybe it would help you understand why i am this WAY.

I've always wanted to be in a relationship, to have a girl to call my own, to be able to say the words I LOVE U once in a while not considering if I meant it or not as long as the girl being told believes me completely. The issue of cheating never for once came into consideration, nor Double-Dating & Back-Stabbing, the only picture within my view was all about the word GIRL-FRIEND. I wasn't ready to dig deep or try to be more familiar with what the whole Dating thing was really about, I just wanted to be in a relationship really bad and was desperate to have a Girl of my own no matter the cost.

I'm not sure what you would call a guy who asks every girl on sight on a Date, but unfortunately, I turned out to be that kind of guy due to my curiosity about Dating Characteristics...
Luckilly for me, I gave up cause I was exhausted of being seen as a Jerk and being understimated by many who never knew my true intentions but mistook me for a Player; FINE, I know what being a Player was all about cause I got to console and sympatize with my best friend's sister almost everytime she got her heart broken due to her reckless comments whenever there's a misunderstanding between her and her boyfriend which always occur because she's got a hard time dealing with something we all know as TEMPER. Well, she's Hot if u ask me but let's just say she always fall for the wrong guys who don't give a crap about her feelings or emotions. U can't ask me to date her considering the fact she's my best friend's sister and trust me, making an attempt is more like accepting an Invitation to Hell from Lucifer so she's totally out of the picture.
I just gave up and decided to keep things cool and normal from then onwards until the day I mistakenly add someone(A GIRL); Yea, mistakenly, cause i'm not the type of guy that wishes to have them all to himself, I think about my fellow males once in a while and I pick my friends delicately, i'm very strict when it comes to company.
She was a few years younger than I was though she looks older than she seems. Her name was Cynthia, if Angels live among men, I wouldn't mind saying she's Virgin Mary, oh, did I forget to tell you her name was Mary also... I never bothered to ask her out cause i'm already through with the dating stuff but that didn't mean I wouldn't date her if the oppurtunity arises... Unlike most of the new friends I usually add, we had a long chat the first day I added her which was on sunday (Free to chat as long as I want).

I asked her some questions and she replied without questioning my authority like most girls do, she was like uhm Cool and Obedient (The Cute Girly Type), I couldn't trace an atom of pride in her because she never delayed me or ignored any of my questions, she just complied like a criminal who doesn't want to go through pain while in a room of interrogation, answering every question in a plain and simple way.

Two days after adding her, i've already known almost everything about her except of course what her appearance looks like. Surprisingly, she has the this amazing ability to read one's mind and predict one's feelings or situation through their words which makes us almost equal except for the fact that we reason differently but in a funny way... (i.e.. I think Chocolate isn't good for the teeth but she loves it, while she thinks Gala(Refined Flour and Beef) makes one fat and I'm addicted to it)
As time goes on, an urge developed in me, the urge to chat with her always, the sad character when she's offline and the feeling of little butterflies flying in my tummy whenever I see or meet her online, not to mention the automated change of mood whenever she was the first to say HI, I can't help but Blush like a little teen and form little dimples on my cheeks like a girl who just got a KISS from Clark Kent verifying his Love for her.
Chatting with her was a whole new thing entirely, it made me wish my mum gave me a sister thinking she would gimme the same feeling she (Cynthia) gave me.

Practically, I asked her to be my sister which she whole heartly accepted without adding any string to it. We were like the perfect match for each other, she thought me what love was all about just as I thought her, not formally, u know, we were both new in the dating thing and everything was kinda new to us, so we had to figure out what the whole Love thing was all about... Being with her made me feel on top of the world, I felt like I was the most fortunate guy on planet earth believing I was destined never to have my heart broken. Honestly, the word HEART-BREAK was something I totally forgot about, to me then, I thought it never exist, I convinced myself the word was created with the motive of scaring young teens from being too attracted to the opposite sex, to prevent them from having boyfriends or girlfriends.

The next sunday which was a week after I added her, my feelings for her grew more extreme to the extent I found it difficult doing anything without her being in my thought and the crazy part about it all was the fact that I couldn't reveal my true feelings because I was terrified and scared she'll ditch everything down the drain if I dare told her ''I LOVE U'' just like the other girls I've asked out, though what I had for her was real unlike the other girls...
Literally, i've never told a woman I love her, I only ask them to be my girl friend, i'm not the type that use the words ''I LOVE U'' for unreasonable purposes, if I tell u ''I LOVE U'', then it means I really do and if I feel i'm losing you, I'll neglect the part where I say the words cause I believe it's a sin trying to persuade someone with false explanations involving false words, I think it's the same as cheating...

In the evenning that Sunday, she admitted she loves me and I also told her I love her without trying to explain much, i'm not the type that's good at the whole toasting and teasing thing, I prefer the real thing. I was interested in her heart and not what she looked like or possess.
My friends got used to the annoying habit of mocking me; ''how can you love some girl you met online, how sure are you she isn't a ghost or cheating on you?'', but I ignored their protest against my complicated and weird relationship status because I trusted her; I loved her with the whole of my heart. Love turned out to be something I never expected to exist in my life as a teen;...

Everything went on smooth between us both until one memorable day which I made a very stupid, devastating and frustuating move... U can't believe I asked her to marry me, I guess this is the part where the whole Love story get Sour.
Imagine a teen asking a girl still in high school (Third Grade) to get engaged to him...
PAUSE: I never thought of the consequences or gravity of what I said before I told her; I mean, she's still a girl (Now a lady) and I totally forgot it's awkward for a girl to date just one guy during her lifetime, books i've read made it clear it was unusual for a girl to stick to a guy her entire lifetime, they all say it would take a miracle for such to happen/occur...

Time: 8:00pm...

Date: 19/11/2011...

Day: Weekend / Saturday...

I got out of bed messed up and rough, I slept late (4am) cause i've been busy doing laundry all night, cleaning the house, sweeping the compound, preparing breakfast, and so on...
I wanted to be free today so I stayed up all night doing whatever it is I had to do today... Why ?... MARY told me she'll be staying home alone throughout the day... Her parents would be travelling to another state so as to participate in a wedding ceremony while her siblings are all in school (Boarding)...

So... Firstly,
I had to make sure nothing hinders me from spending all day chatting online with her.
Secondly, i don't want her to feel lonely or bored staying at home all by herself, I wanted to use it as an oppurtunity to prove to her i'll always be there for her whenever she needs me, to show her how much I love her.
And Thirdly,
To ask for her hand in marriage...

PAUSE:
I know it sounds stupid since;
I don't really know who she is,
What she looks like,
Where she really stays,
If trully she's a female,
Why she's in love with me
( Though i've asked her before, She told me she loves me because i'm Caring, Nice, Cool, e.t.c... The same reason every girl would give a guy... Basically, I usually prefer a more sincere, different and reasonable reason, like; '' I love you because you're kind, I once saw you help an old woman cross the road '' OR '' I love you because you're ambitious/determined, you never give up and you have a definite aim you're looking forward to achieve ''; you know, a meaningful reason, not the type you'll recieve from a friend or even your parents.

My Belief.
I believe that before any girl should fall in love with a guy, there should be a great reason, something that makes her interested in him, she must have observed and monitored him before letting herself fall for him, she must have took her time to know what he's capable of before loving him. Love is Trust and Trust can't be inherited by Appearance, Possessions, Inheritance, DNA or Attributes, Trust has to be Earned... So I expect every girl to have a firm reason as to why she loves someone, including Mary... The '' I love u because you're nice, sweet, caring, handsome, e.t.c '' isn't good enough, a wise girl should have a reason far more better than that. )
But hey, i'm was just a teen who was in love, the consequences or gravity of my actions never came to mind... It just felt so good that I totally ignored and forgot to heed to the warnings pasted in front of me, yeah, it's true that love is blind, but the truth is TRUE LOVE ISN'T BLIND... Maybe what we both had wasn't love but just a relationship based on likeness..

NOW BACK TO THE STORY...
Practically, she was the one who woke me up with one of her sweet morning texts, and left a grin plastered on my face though my whole appearance was a total mess...
The msg alert reminded me it's morning so I replied her text telling her thanks and that i'm fully set and ready to chat with her for the day...
She replied asking me to come online which I did without hesitation...
After the morning greetings and how are you ????s... I shifted to my project of the day's chat...

'' Sweetie, Can I Ask A Question ? ''
'' Yeah, Go Ahead ''

'' Thanks... I know it's too early for me to say this considering the fact we're not yet adults and can't predict the future but still, I feel it's neccessary I ask you officially...''

'SWEETIE, IF GOD PERMITS US TO GET MARRIED IN THE FUTURE, WOULD YOU BE MY BRIDE ?'

''Will U Marry me ?''